


Reckoning

by Fuguestate



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Blatant Trope Exploitation, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Kira is oblivious, but she's getting better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 12:56:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9272744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fuguestate/pseuds/Fuguestate
Summary: The aftermath of"Catharsis"





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to the vignette ["Catharsis"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97295). This was meant to be a vignette as well, but it just didn't feel like cooperating. Oh, one more thing: Shakaar? Shakaar who? ;)

"Computer, time?"

"Oh-seven-fifty-eight."

The computer had scarcely finished when the office doors opened. She was early.

"Good morning, Constable," she smiled as she sat down in her usual chair.

"Good morning, Major," he returned, also smiling slightly. 

She picked up her datapadd and the morning progressed as it had countless times before. Seven items this time; a relatively quiet week. One burglary, three drunk & disorderlies (a "party" at Quark's), an assault, a vandalism (Ojuy apparently found something else to be righteously indignant about), and a shoplifter.

The report ended, and the two of them relaxed in a comfortable silence. Odo sat regarding Kira for several moments before speaking. "I wanted to thank you again. For what you did for me."

Kira looked up from where she had been absently contemplating her cup of raktajino. She smiled a little. "Anytime, Odo." She sobered and held his gaze for a moment. " _Any_ time."

Odo looked down at the padd in his hands, feeling somewhat awkward. "That means...a great deal to me, Kira," he said quietly. Summoning a faint smile, he added, "Thank you."

The quiet returned for several seconds. Then, rousing himself, Odo asked, "Is nineteen hundred tonight all right? I... think I can take care of the last of it." He forced himself to meet her eyes as the painful memory surfaced. 

The pressures of all that had happened to him over the past months had finally overtaken him, breaking down his tight control and reducing him to little more than a raging animal. Kira had seen it coming, managed to bring him to her quarters while he was still merely numb, only to have him demolish her quarters when the outburst finally came. He still shocked himself when he considered how close he had come to doing Kira harm. He had been blind in his fury, lashing out at random. Only Kira's presence of mind had spared her from him as she shut herself in her bedroom until the onslaught had passed. It was a memory that had continually haunted him in the days that followed.

In an attempt to banish it, he had been working to repair the damage he had done. He had insisted on seeing to it, and Kira had granted his fervent request, patiently enduring the state of her quarters for the past two nights, now. He hoped to finish his work as soon as he could so her life - and hopefully his own - could return to normal.

She was nodding at his question. "Nineteen hundred is fine. See you then," she said, getting up to go on duty. 

Odo turned his attention to his security reports. His outburst in Kira's quarters had attracted attention, he knew. Even so, Odo had been permitted to return with very few questions asked regarding the incident. He had a strong suspicion that both Kira and Captain Sisko had done more than a little string-pulling on his behalf. While he appreciated their efforts, they only served to increase the pressure he felt he was under. He was constantly having to defend himself not only from the criminals he pursued, but from his so-called superiors was well, and why? Because he didn't play by their rules? There were others worse than he for that, and they enjoyed high positions and prestige among their fellows. Because he had worked under the Cardassians? He could name countless individuals who had avoided that sort of prejudice. Because he was a Changeling?...Probably. He was having to control himself more and more as "Changeling" and "Founder" became increasingly intermixed without discretion in conversation. No doubt he was viewed as a risk; a distressing glitch in the flawless, well-tuned machines that were the Federation and Bajor. No one had said anything directly to him as of yet, but it was only a matter of time.

\- - - 

The day managed to pass quietly, and Odo headed for Kira's quarters at the end of his shift. She wouldn't be there for at least another hour; hopefully, he could have most everything done by then. 

There was still the shredded carpeting near the door, and the large dent he'd managed to put in the doorframe of her bedroom. A new table and chair had finally come in as well, to replace the ones he'd destroyed. 

He entered her quarters and winced at the still-too-evident proof of his loss of control. Willing himself not to dwell on it, he began with the last of the repairs. As he worked, he wondered for the thousandth time what she must have thought of him when he was in that state. He'd been so _destructive_...She could have been.... _Never mind that now,_ he told himself. _Concentrate on the work at hand._

The new furniture and carpeting were in place by the time Kira arrived. She surveyed his progress appreciatively. "Sorry I'm late - looks good," she remarked as she settled on her couch with a relieved sigh.

Odo acknowledged this with a nod. "I'm nearly finished. Just one more thing." He moved to the dented doorjamb. Nothing integral to the door's operation had been damaged, only the frame covering it. Placing one hand at a seam in the metal, he allowed it to flow into the structure, carefully avoiding any live circuits and maneuvering his substance to the inside of the damaged area. Once his other hand was in place on the outside, he pushed outward, forcing the metal back into its normal shape. Slowly, he withdrew his hands and surveyed his work. "There," he said, satisfied, "that should do." He turned back to Kira, and froze. She was staring at him, wide-eyed and very still. 

Fighting down a sudden, welling panic, he made himself speak. "What is it?" he asked, very quietly.

She blinked, coming out of her trance. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"

He looked guiltily at the doorframe he'd so casually forced into place. They both knew he could just as casually apply the same strength to kill. With that single action he had renewed the rift that had once lain between them. Sadly, he nodded. "I...forget sometimes."

"Oh - no, I - " She was standing now, crossing the distance between them. "I'm sorry," she touched his arm briefly. "That was unfair of me."

For some reason, Kira's simple statement caused Odo to stiffen with anger. "And what's that supposed to mean? Do I require special handling, now?"

She blinked, taken aback. "What?"

He turned from her to find refuge in the sight of the stars outside her window. "Even you..." he whispered tightly, "even you are afraid of making me angry after what happened, aren't you?" His fists were clenched as he said this, and Kira braced herself. But gradually Odo seemed to recover; his back straightened once again and his hands relaxed, slowly.

And then he turned. Kira's breath caught in her throat at the sight of him. In the space of a heartbeat, his gaze had become flat, and uncaring. His face, which had always been hard for her to read, was utterly expressionless and when he spoke it was with the coldest of formality.

"I apologize for inconveniencing you, Major. If you'll excuse me, I'll not trouble you again." Inclining his head in farewell, he crossed unhurried to her door, and let himself out.

Kira could only stand there, appalled at the sudden transformation of her friend. She almost wished he _had_ torn her quarters apart again, rather than become the emotionless automaton that just walked out the door. 

_He almost looked like a Founder,_ she thought as her stomach clenched.

\- - -

It was the next morning, and Odo learned that he had been correct in expecting trouble from his...breakdown. He found the word abhorrent, but he could call it nothing else and still be truthful. 

He was on duty when Sisko called him into his office; that alone was a bad sign. The captain was not at all pleased when he got there; Odo deliberately kept his posture still as the captain composed himself and turned to him. 

"I don't need to tell you why you're here, Odo. Starfleet has been pressuring me about you for a long time, now, and you've just given theright people the opportunity they needed." His voice softened for a moment as he realized how he must sound. "This isn't your fault, Constable. I've been fighting it for a long time." He resumed his pacing and sighed; a long, tired exhalation of breath. "First, they didn't like you because you didn't follow their rules. Then, they didn't want you here because you were a 'Founder'." He gave a short laugh at this. "Then they were 'concerned' because you'd suddenly been made human. And now--"

"Now," Odo finished, "They don't want someone who's emotionally unstable running Security. Can't say I blame them," he added bitterly. 

The captain looked at him long and hard. "I'm fighting them as hard as I can, Odo. But now it's not just Starfleet who's getting uncomfortable. The Bajoran government has started asking questions as well. These people are dealing with rumors and suspicions at the moment; I need to be able to give them concrete answers." He paused, regretting what he had to say. "I want you to let Dr. Bashir have a look at you. I don't expect him to find anything wrong," he said, putting up a placating hand, "but at least I'll have something to show those people when they come knocking again."

"That won't be necessary, Captain." Odo had been restraining himself up to this point, but this latest development just made his options brutally clear. With growing anger, he continued. "You can tell Starfleet and the Bajoran Council of Ministers that they needn't worry--I'll be leaving the station shortly."

Shocked, Sisko studied his security chief. "What exactly are you saying, Constable?"

"I'm saying, sir, that I'm leaving. If you'd like me to return, we can call it an extended leave of absence, or if it's easier for you we can call it a resignation. To be quite honest, I don't care what you call it." His expression shadowed for a moment. "It's obvious I have a problem, and I can't solve it by staying here."

"I see." Sisko considered him for a moment, sifting through the layers of meaning behind Odo's words. "If you were anyone else, Constable, I'd have given you your walking papers right now - but I know what this place, and your job, mean to you." After a long, searching look, the captain made his decision. "Do what you need to do, Odo. Your job will be waiting if you still want it."

\- - - 

"He did _what_?!"

"He - he left - I thought you knew, Major!" Quark sputtered as best he could with Major Kira dragging him halfway over the bar. He got no farther before she abruptly released him and stormed out. 

She slapped her commbadge angrily as she strode toward a hapless turbolift. "Kira to Sisko."

_"Yes, Major?"_

"I need to see you, Captain," she said in a voice that brooked no argument.

_"I'll be in my office."_

Moments later, she was standing in front of his desk, controlling herself with difficulty. "Why did he go? _Where_ did he go?"

"I don't know, Major." He was as still as she was agitated. "All I know is that Odo needed to work some things out concerning his problems of late, and it was serious enough to make him feel he had to leave."

"So he's coming back, then?"

"Again, I honestly don't know, Major," Sisko's look became implacable as he continued, "but we're not going to interfere with his decision." 

Kira would have objected, but she knew the expression that was on Sisko's face all too well. Instead, she nodded and left his office. At least he could think she agreed with him...

...In fifteen minutes she was speaking to a cargo ship captain who needed some extra latinum and didn't ask questions.

Sisko and the others would put things together before long, but by then it would be too late.

\- - - 

Odo stepped down from the transport into a bright, warm day on Bajor. Around him, other passengers were being greeted by family or heading for business engagements. Hardly anyone glanced at his lone figure as he left the landing pad. He had abandoned his uniformed appearance in favor of a nondescript civilian outfit. His face still marked him as being different, but he was used to that. It didn't matter, anyway; no one would need to deal with his differences where he was going. 

\- - - 

Kira disembarked from the cargo ship and spared a brief glance around her in the small docking port before locating a public commlink. Quickly, she punched a series of commands into the keypadd, and then left. About two hours later, she returned to the commlink and entered another command sequence. Apparently satisfied, she headed off to find a place to stay for the night.

\- - -

Odo stopped, looking down the hill he had just crested. He had chosen to remain in a humanoid form until he reached this place; it had given him a reason not to think, staying in this comparatively slow shape. When he let himself think he was invariably chased by his memories... He couldn't help re-living that horrible night, how enraged he had been, how much he had hurt...and how _good_ it had felt to let go, to destroy. That was what terrified him; not the loss of control, but his enjoyment of it that overrode what he had thought was his most basic nature. If she _had_ been in there with him, he wouldn't have stopped, he knew. He couldn't let himself think of it. And so he punished himself instead by forcing this clumsy humanoid shape to cross the unforgiving terrain, only regenerating when his body finally revolted and liquefied. 

Now that he was here, another memory was surfacing. He had come here when he left the laboratories. No one had known of this place, then; even the Cardassians had left it alone. Here, there was still a carpet of green like the rest of Bajor was supposed to have. There were even a number of fair-sized trees - a rare sight during the Occupation. He had stumbled across this sheltered area quite by accident as he had attempted to distance himself as much as possible from everyone, Bajoran and Cardassian alike. This place had offered him peace, and a chance to decide for himself what he would make of his life. 

He had maintained the hope that the valley was still forgotten, but as he looked down, he could see that a town had sprung up since he had been here last. Barely a town, really - just a small collection of homes and a few farms. But it meant he couldn't stay here, as he had hoped. For a moment, he resented that even this had been taken from him. But then he remembered what must have brought settlers here, and what had brought him here, and he no longer begrudged them their happiness.

The daylight was fading now into a deep gold that washed over the dwellings below. It was still peaceful here, but it wasn't a place for him. Not anymore. Turning north, he left the valley to itself.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Kira?" The voice was quiet, hesitant, in the crowded restaurant.

She turned to greet the owner of the voice.

"Doctor Mora," she nodded. "It's good to see you again. I'm glad you could make it."

The doctor seated himself across the small table, giving Kira a slightly quizzical look. "I got your message. Am I to assume that this is an 'unofficial' visit?"

Kira smiled wryly. "Sorry about all the mystery. My visit wasn't... planned, no."

Mora returned her smile, but it was tinged with sadness. "It sounds serious." He sighed. "I was always afraid he'd have problems like this. It was unavoidable; he's just so different from everyone else...I tried so hard - But, enough of that," he said, looking apologetic. "What's happening?"

Kira looked down for a moment. "Some...things have been going on lately," she began cautiously. "Odo left the station. Maybe for good, I don't know. But I have to find him," she said, looking up at him again.

"I see. I knew the Council of Ministers was making noises about getting rid of him, but I had no idea it was this bad." At her surprised look, he replied, We _do_ speak from time to time, even though we don't often see each other." His faint smile became a thoughtful frown as he considered Kira's dilemma. " I'm afraid I'm not sure how much help I can be to you. Although..."

"What?"

He paused. "It's only a remote possibility, but there is one place he might go. I don't think he knows I know about it--he went there shortly after he left the labs. It's a small valley near Niosl Province," he said, explaining. "I decided to follow him after he left, I'm afraid," he confessed. "I was going to confront him, try to get him to come back with me. But I just couldn't do it, in the end. I left the valley the next day, and didn't hear about him again until I learned he had been 'hired' by Dukat." 

"How do I get there?"

"Well, the way is nearly impossible to travel on foot, and I'm assuming you want to avoid public transports...But fortunately," he added at her crestfallen look, "I think I can come up with something to study in Niosl Province that will allow us to get there relatively undisturbed." The mischief in his eyes at the thought heartened Kira more than she would have thought possible. "Can you be ready in the morning?" 

"I can be ready _now_."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A patch of ice. A rock. A snowraptor. A razorcat...

Odo was practicing, trying to see how many different forms he could take, and how quickly. It was helping him to focus. He had been traveling for the past week until he reached this place. To a humanoid, it was uninhabitable; barren, and cold, where none but the hardiest of life forms could survive. He found it perfectly suited to his present state of mind; he didn't need any more distractions than were absolutely necessary. 

As he practiced, he strove to find the answers that had been eluding him, and the control he so desperately needed. It almost stopped the disturbing images that kept intruding on his thoughts. Nightmare images, born of that night--of Kira...of blood...None of them were real, none of the terrible things he imagined had actually come to pass, but they might as well have; his sense of peace had been shattered all the same. He was supposed to _protect_ people, not tear them apart! How could he protect the ones he cared about when he himself was a danger to them? If he didn't bring the Founders down on their heads, he would end up destroying them himself. Either way, it meant he had to leave - for how long, he didn't know.

A dormouse. A tree branch...

His concentration was abruptly shattered as the 'tree' he'd attached himself to rippled, blurred, and Linked with him.

\- - - 

_What are you, Odo?_

Odo tried to pull away in his shock, but the other Changeling held him fast. It didn't try to further the Link, but neither did it release him. After a moment, Odo's struggles quieted. 

_What are you?_ the Changeling repeated. Consternation, puzzlement. _You call yourself a Changeling, but you behave as the Solids do....You were obviously unhappy as one of them yourself, and yet you continue to adopt their form when it isn't even necessary._

 _What do you care?_ Odo challenged. _Are you here to see that I'm 'judged' again? What do you want?_

The other Changeling's response was patient, without menace - even...tender? _You should be one of us, Odo. But you are as alien to us as the Solids. The fact that you even need a **name** for identity is alien....Do you know what this has done to the Great Link, to know that one of our own can be so unlike us?_

Odo was unimpressed. _So, I'm to be **your** lab rat now, is that it?_ He was giving his anger full rein now, after having tried to restrain it with his people and gained nothing from it.

 _You must choose, someday,_ was the only answer he got. _You are pulling yourself in two different directions, trying to be one or the other - and yet..._ Confusion. Sadness. _you are neither..._

Rage. _Then I will **be** neither! **That** is my choice, if a choice is what you want! It's the only one you'll get from me, at any rate._ Silence....impatience. _If you don't intend to kill me, then let me go -I'm busy. And tell the others the same, while you're at it. If I wanted unwelcome intrusions in my life, I'd have done something sensible, like joining Starfleet -!_

The Changeling released him, betraying none of its emotions at Odo's words. Without preamble, it became a _rykk_ -falcon and flew away, leaving Odo to his own thoughts. With only partial success, he tried not to feel the wrenching loss of the other's departure.

He was still trying to sort out the experience when he became aware of a sound he hadn't heard since his arrival: The sound of a shuttle engine.

\- - - 

"We're not gonna find him, are we?"

"Oh, don't be so certain, Major - we can at least keep up with him this way."

"Yeah. Assuming we're even headed in the right direction." 

Mora gave her a reproachful glance. "What happened to 'I _have_ to find him'?"

Kira let her head fall back against the headrest of her seat. "I think we lost her somewhere in that valley."

He would have believed the apathy in her voice if he hadn't caught the look in her eyes. Not for the first time, he had a thought about this Major Kira of the Bajoran Militia who had called on a stranger to help her find their friend. Falling back on old habits, he decided to give in to his scientist's instincts for questioning. 

"Why _are_ you here, Major?" he asked her after a moment. 

She snapped back into the present at his query. Helplessly she looked at him, lost. "I don't know," she said finally, glancing away from his piercing stare that somehow reminded her of the one they were looking for. 

Mora nodded to himself at her reaction, smiling sadly. "I love him, too," was all he said.

Kira couldn't speak. Instead, she looked out at the desolate landscape while the tears she couldn't stop tracked down her face. 

He reached out to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder, briefly. "Don't worry," he said. "In case Odo didn't already tell you, I can be extremely stubborn at times."

A smile flickered across her drawn face. "So that's where he gets it."

Mora chuckled. "Yes, well, I--" He was cut off by an insistent sound from the computer terminal.

"What is it?" Kira leaned forward for a better look. 

"The sensors seem to have seen Odo... or a Changeling, at least." He urgently tried to coax more from the computer. "Whatever the sensors picked up, it didn't last long...but what's this?" 

"What?" Kira was still trying to glean a location at her own terminal from the meager information.

Squinting at the data, Mora explained, "As I said, the readings indicated a Changeling, but - it's much too large, even given his capabilities." 

"More than one?" Kira tensed.

"No more than two, unless our data on them is out of date already."

Kira absorbed the troubling news, then returned to her attempt to force something useful out of the shuttle's balky sensor equipment. "There!" she said at last, entering the new heading. "In the Niosl Peaks, twenty kilometers. If it's not Odo, then maybe we'll see if anyone there knows where he is," she said with a grim anticipatory smile.

\- - - 

Odo studied the craft as it approached. The engine configuration was unfamiliar, but the main body of the shuttle reminded him sharply of his days at the laboratories. He watched as it approached and landed at the small clearing where the Changeling had confronted him. He had a feeling he knew who was on board that shuttle. To be honest, he was a little surprised that it had taken anyone as long as it had to disturb him here. He wanted to leave before they could detect him again, but he knew he'd be spending all his time running if he chose to do so. No, he was going to have to step into one more confrontation before this was over.

\- - -

"What is it you want, Major?" Odo didn't waste time waiting for them to see him.

Kira whirled at the sound of Odo's voice as she stepped away from the shuttle. He was some forty meters away, coming toward them. Kira experienced a moment's deja vu as Odo strode down the rocky slope. Although it wasn't exactly the same, his appearance strongly resembled the way he had looked when they first met, back when the station had been Terok Nor. Considering Odo's apparent attitude, Kira wondered if he hadn't done it on purpose. Regardless, he was in no mood to chat; that much was clear, at least. She shivered, as much from his demeanor as the biting cold. Slowly she stepped forward, noting with some relief that Doctor Mora had chosen to remain near the shuttle. Bracing herself, she initiated the first strike of what was obviously going to be a confrontation.

"I want to know why you _left_ , _Constable_ ," she said, biting down on the title.

"I should think that would be obvious," he responded, "what with two entire governments questioning my right to be there!"

This wasn't like Odo at all, she thought; he didn't run from trouble, he usually ran straight into it.

"Why are you doing this, Odo?" Kira demanded.

"What would you have me do, Major? Go back to the station and try to pretend that I'm not being watched every second? That I'm not feared by the ones who are supposed to trust me as their Security Chief? Or perhaps I should just resign and become a permanent fixture at Quark's, so everyone can pretend everything's still normal!"

Odo's temper was setting off Kira's own, but with a supreme effort she kept from saying what immediately came to mind. Instead, she took the deep breath that Bashir was forever insisting she take at times like this, and gathered her thoughts.

"Look," she said, trying to ignore the cold that was seeping through her jacket and doing nothing for her patience, "it's obvious we're not going to settle this in the next few minutes, but I _do_ want to work this out, Odo. Like it or not, I still consider myself your friend." She thought furiously. "All I'm asking at this point is that you talk to me, just this one night, and in the morning I'll leave and never come back, if that's what you want." Her expression grew almost pleading. "I just want to understand, Odo..." She wanted to say more, but words wouldn't come. It was impossible to explain to him what had made her search for him all this time in the few seconds he was giving her.

For the first time, Odo noticed the shadows under Kira's eyes as she gazed at him. Mora's face, too, bore lines of worry that hadn't been there the last time they had seen each other. He felt his resolve wavering as he imagined their pain--only to have it redouble when he considered what had caused this situation to begin with.

"Fine," he snapped, his expression hardening once more. "I hope you can listen and walk at the same time, because I wasn't planning to stay here. In case your sensors didn't tell you, there's another Changeling here somewhere whose company I don't wish to share again." With that, he turned on his heel and resumed his previous course up the slope.

Kira immediately moved to follow when Mora's voice stopped her. "Kira, what are you doing? You can't go like this, you'll freeze to death up there!" 

She turned to look at the doctor for a moment before rushing back to the shuttle. Before he could say anything more, she had grabbed a survival pack and headed back out.

"You can find a Bajoran up here, can't you?" she asked pointedly.

Mora was speechless for a second. "You can't --!" he finally managed.

"You'd better hope I can. See you in the morning, Doctor." 

\- - -

It was even colder now that the sun was going down. Even so, Kira doggedly kept up her pace with Odo's. She wasn't about to let him run away from this. Their conversation thus far had only heightened the tension, so Kira shifted to a different tack one last time.

"Why was there another Changeling here, Odo?"

"The same reason you are, apparently...although I'm afraid I wasn't as pleasant as I was with you."

That did it. "Dammit, Odo, I did _not_ throw away my career just to argue with you!" Odo actually turned at this, questioning her with a look.

"That's right," she glared at him, "I decided this was just a _little_ more important than following orders." The cold was no longer an issue to her at this point; her ire wasn't leaving any room for physical discomfort. 

Odo could only stare in disbelief, completely at a loss to explain her seemingly contradictory behavior. "Why?" he asked, concealing his uncertainty in suspicion.

 _'Why'? Of all the--!_ Kira felt the last of her composure disintegrate as that one word topped off everything else that had happened. " _Because_ ," she finally roared, advancing on him, "I _love_ you, dammit!"

The echoes of this declaration reverberated around them, slamming like gunshots into them both. Kira's rage dissipated with them, and before either of them knew what she was doing, Kira had wrapped her arms around Odo's neck and was sobbing against him uncontrollably. 

Odo's arms automatically moved to hold her before he could think. As they stood there, a thought struck him amidst the confusion: No one had ever said such a thing to him before. It was ironic, he reflected; he had been _married_ and still not been told he was loved. But what did this really mean? Why was she doing this? 

It seemed they _would_ have something to talk about, after all. 

He could feel Kira shivering from the cold as her anger wore off; now that she was holding still, the environment was catching up with her. Guilt overtook him as he realized how far and for how long he'd made her follow him in this. His concern for her, suppressed until now, took control.

"I think we should stay here."

Kira didn't appear to have even heard him. He noted this and carefully stepped back to loosen the straps on her survival pack. Numbly, Kira let the pack slip free and began to help set up camp, such as it was.

\- - -

 _Prophets, what now?_ she thought. She hadn't planned on saying that to him, or behaving the way she did afterward.

Now that it was done, she wished she hadn't; Odo was obviously unsettled, she noticed as she surreptitiously glanced at him. Probably embarrassed, even. She sighed. _Nothing for it now,_ she decided. Not that she could have done much, anyway; for once she had no idea what she could do. She only hoped that she _would_ know before she lost him for good.

She had begun to shiver again by the time the small tent was pitched near an outcropping of rock. The wind didn't allow for a fire, and she was already cursing herself for forgetting a lantern. It wasn't until Odo had ushered her inside the tent, though, and remained outside himself, that she found her voice again.

"Odo, aren't you coming in here?"

He looked back at her guardedly. "I didn't want you to be uncomfortable, Major."

She sighed, defeated and irritated all at once. "Odo, I came with you so we could talk, remember? I'm not about to shout through the tent flap to you, and besides," she added, biting the bullet, "you may not have a problem with the weather, but _I'm_ cold. This stupid heating unit couldn't warm a tribble, and I could use all the warmth I can get up here if you want someone alive to talk to."

It was the last thing he wanted to do. The nightmare visions that had driven him this far were still there, waiting...but she was right. Reluctantly conceding her logic, Odo re-entered the tent. 

As he did so, he realized their situation was absurdly like that of a few romance novels he'd read. Terribly contrived plots, he'd always thought--that sort of thing just never happened. Of course, he seriously doubted that he and Kira were going to fall into one another's arms for a night of torrid passion! The campsite they had chosen was deathly cold, hard, barren, and silent, save for the cry of the wind. Kira was already half-frozen, and neither of them could so much as look at the other.

Outside of novels, he decided, the circumstances were decidedly unromantic.

The two-person tent was barely so, and was definitely not designed for conversation. Rather, its inhabitants were expected to simply wait out the situation, preferably asleep so as not to notice the unfortunate design of the structure. After a fair amount of awkward maneuvering in the rapidly decreasing sunlight, they managed to settle with Odo reclining - he couldn't quite bring himself to lie down - behind Kira, who had been reduced to a shivering fetal position in spite of the insulation of the tent and her survival blanket. Odo considered her condition and then, bracing for her reaction, made a blanket of the arm that wasn't supporting him and draped it over her. He watched as she turned to see where the 'new' blanket had come from, and relaxed somewhat as she only murmured "Thanks," and settled once again.

It wasn't long before Kira was feeling warmer, and so she tried to re-initiate their fitful conversation. _First things first,_ she thought. 

"I'm sorry if I upset you back there, Odo."

She didn't have to explain what she meant. "You... surprised me, that's all," he said carefully.

"Me, too." she smiled a little in the gathering darkness. "But then, I guess I'm always saying things before I think." 

Her 'blanket' tightened momentarily around her shoulder. "It wasn't your fault I frightened you," Odo said quietly. "It wasn't anyone's fault..."

"Is that why you left, Odo? Is that what this is about?" 

"In a way," he hedged. "Why did you say you love me?" he asked suddenly.

She tensed at the question. _No going back now..._ "Because I meant it." She turned toward him slightly. "Why else would I put myself through this?" she asked, attempting a lightness she couldn't feel.

"I - see..." was the only response she got.

She turned her head to look up into the darkness. She couldn't see him, but she could feel his sudden tension against her. "What is it?" she asked, almost afraid to know the answer. In a way, she was glad of the surrounding blackness; it was giving them both an advantage they seemed to need right now.

He averted his gaze, although he knew she couldn't see him. "I had to leave," he said, "because...I love you, too." There. It was said now. Not exactly under the circumstances he would have liked, but it looked like he was going to have to get used to that sort of thing.

Kira lay very still for a long moment, staring into the nothingness surrounding them. Those four words suddenly made everything startlingly clear to her - about both of them. And at the same time they puzzled her even more. If he loved her, why run away? Her thoughts were interrupted as the tension she could feel in him became an uncontrolled shudder. She turned to face him in the darkness, reached up to lay a questioning hand on his chest. 

"Odo?" His name was the barest whisper.

"I could never hurt you," he was saying. " _Never_." She couldn't see, but his eyes had closed against the horrifying thoughts that again sprang into his mind, the ones that had driven him here, to this: Kira, lying wounded, lying dead, by his hand. Her body broken amidst the wreckage of her quarters, her eyes fixed in an unseeing, accusatory glare... _You see?_ her dead eyes taunted him, _do you see what you've done? And you say you **love** me!..._

"Odo," her voice pulled at him. "Odo," she repeated softly, "what you _did_ scared me. I'm not afraid of _you_. I know you'd never hurt me; I always have." 

He shook his head, saying nothing. She was losing him, she could tell. Somehow this was worse than that night in her quarters. Or maybe it was only a continuation, she didn't know. She had to reach him, though, or the darkness that had already stolen her sight would swallow both of them.

Moving her hand to his back she pressed close to him, trying to bring him away from the torment he was inflicting on himself. "Odo - "

A small sound escaped him and he bent his head toward her, holding her closer to him. He was shaking. Had he been humanoid, she would have thought he was weeping. _Maybe he is,_ she thought, startled. Cautiously, she moved so she could feel the side of his face against hers. In the surrounding blackness his pain seemed all the more pronounced as she felt the agonized twist of his features. "Shhh..." She guided him back down with her, letting his head rest on her shoulder, much as it had once before, as he made another low, wordless sound.

He could feel her heartbeat, rapid but sure, in her so-fragile form. Her breath ruffled his hair as she curled into him and her arms wound about him protectively. He let himself be held, lulled by the contact of another living being who asked nothing in return. One by one, as the night passed, the demons that had been chasing him quailed and fell in the face of Kira's simple, elemental defense. His arm, still blanketing her, crept up to hold her nearer and Kira smiled. This battle, at least, was won.

\- - -

She awoke in his arms that were once again shaped to shield her from the cold. Looking up at him in the grey dawn, she could see he was lost in thought. He stirred at her movement and regarded her calmly.

"Good morning."

"Good morning," she returned. He looked far better than he had last night, she thought as she studied him. Still, she wouldn't take anything for granted. "What were you thinking about, if you don't mind my asking?"

"The Changeling," he muttered. He half-returned to his contemplation. "Apparently I've become something of a riddle to my people now. I'm not one of them, no matter what they say..." pain flickered in his eyes, "but I'm not one of you, either." His gaze shifted to her again and he laughed mirthlessly. "Neither one nor the other, always fluctuating between the two... I must be giving them fits with such a chaotic existence."

Kira was watching him, disturbed. No wonder he was still so bitter; he'd just been called a freak by his own people! Oh, it was said obscurely, to be sure, maybe even politely, given the Founders' attitude of _noblesse oblige_ \- but it still didn't change the hurt it caused. "Odo, listen to me." She had to make this right somehow, dammit! He was a part of her; she could admit it now. As much a part of her as her own _pagh_ , and it was tearing her apart to see him like this. "I don't know what that Founder told you," she went on, "but I can see it hurt. Now _I_ want to tell you something." 

"Oh?" he said distantly. He glanced at her with mockery in his eyes, but she could see it was directed at himself. "Do you have an answer to the riddle, Major? What am I?" he whispered in near-desperation as the facade cracked for a moment, "A Changeling, or a Solid?"

She sat up slightly so she could look directly into his eyes. "You're _both_ , she said, looking earnestly at him. Gently, she brought up her hand to rest it on the side of his face. "You're a Changeling who's been raised by Solids, so that makes you a part of both of us." She smiled through the sudden tears that were stinging in her eyes. "And I love you," she whispered, "no matter how many mountains you make me climb, Constable."

The last of Odo's crumbling defenses finally fell away at Kira's tearful words and he was left speechless, only able to stare at her in a mixture of hope and incredulity. He laid his head back once more, looking up at the sunlight filtering through the small tent. "...I never thought of it that way," he finally managed. "Thank you."

Kira sat up, gently extricating herself from his arms. "Come back with me, Odo,"

A smile played across his lips. "If I do, I'll probably have to arrest you."

"So be it," she said, completely serious. "It'll be a good excuse for us to spend time together."

Odo sat up at this, studying her closely. Abruptly he turned and exited the tent. Frantically Kira followed him, afraid she'd gone too far, but Odo was only standing outside with a thoughtful expression. After a moment he looked at her.

"All right," he said, nodding.

Her relief was so profound that she didn't even notice the biting chill around her until the wind began freezing her tears to her lashes. Odo noticed, though, and let his arm shift, wing-like, to surround her in its now-familiar warmth.

"He's coming," he said, indicating a small dot near the horizon that Kira could only now begin to hear. She looked at him and began to chuckle an answer when she saw a figure over Odo's shoulder some distance away. It could have been male or female, and it remained motionless despite the winds buffeting the terrain. _The Changeling,_ Kira realized. 

Odo turned to follow her gaze when he saw her expression harden. He, too, looked at the Changeling without a word. He looked back at her when he felt her stir within his arm's protective embrace. Her eyes held his with a fearful question that lay behind her fierce caring for him. Very deliberately, he lifted his free arm to embrace her fully. Closing his eyes, he pressed his forehead to hers, shutting out everything else.

Kira accepted his choice gratefully, and together they turned from the figure silhouetted in the light of the dawn to face the approaching ship.

Odo smiled as Doctor Mora's shuttle landed.

"Let's go home."

 

_-fin_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm (gradually) bringing my older fics to AO3. I'm trying to do a bit of polishing as I do, but please take the original posting date into consideration and pardon the goofy-ass writing of Past Me...


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